Compiled by the Class of 2010
Apparently, a long time ago, I said a few things some students have found, shall we say, clever. Most of the clever things I’ve said in my lifetime are from other sources, which I have admitted and cited (most of the time). For mostly sentimental reasons, I have shared a few of the sayings written down by students over the years, though mostly in the first half of my Summit career. This was taken from an old document from students long graduated out of college, let alone high school. Even so, it is a small testament to some of the students I’m grateful to have taught over the years. Thanks to Mrs. Spaulding for rediscovering this old file and passing it along.
“There comes a time where we have to put on our man pants and for the ladies to put on their woman’s slacks; or, if you are Ricky Thompson, either.” — Passing the Torch Address at the Class of ’09 Graduation
“Life is not all beer and skittles.”
“…or is it…”
“Buttons aren’t toys.” [The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy movie]
“Your lives would be much better if you people ate more McDonald’s.”
“An essay is like a river…you can’t lead people safely into it unless you know what it’s about.”
“Out of love, God created us.”
“Don’t think of eternity while you are driving.”
“Where there is smoke, there are matches.”
“There is no Saudi Arabian Version of the Qur’an.”
“Human beings are simple.”
“Tomorrow we will be playing everyone’s favorite game, What Does Chaucer Think?”
“Boys with no belts should have no lunch.”
“You like cheeseburgers because someone gave you a cheeseburger.”
“Sometimes you are tired of the people you know.”
“The five paragraph essay got us through the days of short pants and dodgeball.”
“There are no timeouts in war.”
“Your lives have been shallow and useless.”
“Remember in the future, your ignorance didn’t come from Summit Christian Academy…we gave you the keys, it’s you that didn’t take them.”
“‘I wonder if we do something with a match’ is not a hypothesis.”
“A hyperthesis is a ‘Is it…’”
“Everybody’s second favorite game, Up or Down (Bradley’s favorite)!”
“I’m not on the thesis judging board because I have heard your arguments so many times and I am sick of them.”
“October through December go by slowly, then February, March a little longer. Then in April … ‘Oh my gosh, the Eiffel Tower;’ then thesis, then in May, you will be like … ‘I’m out of school.’”
“Language has meaning if we give it meaning.”
“We’re all scrunched together on these sardine couches.” (The reason why we couldn’t take many tests 2009-2010)
“I can’t tell you to go out and read good books; ‘Does good mean popular? then I’ll go read books about teenage vampires.’”
“When playing basketball, one side doesn’t go first, then the other; there will be no way to determine the winner. Same thing in war; you don’t want one side to go then the next…except in Strategic Gaming.” (Talking about Stasis Theory)
“Research isn’t done while on Geopages and watching cartoons.”
“We don’t live with Socrates where he can ‘search’…therefore, you have to research yourself.”
“What if the earth decided to spin twice as fast tomorrow, just for fun?”
“In a beheading contest, you really want to go first.”
“No one wants the ‘Best Of’ something. Who wants three of their favorite episodes in a 60-minute “Best Of’ video?”
“Well, if we were at the grammar school, we could call it repetition, but since we’re not, we call it refrain.”
“Is there a period in there?”
“Stupid is never a valid category; never was, never will be.”
“We’re not guessing and we’re not liking.”
“What I do everyday, is come to school, try to make your lives better…trying to cause as few emotional problems as possible.”
“How many ounces of smokeless tobacco were spat out in the 1977 World Series dugouts? … no one needs to know.”
“Weapon of Minor Distraction…(WMD).”
“You are seniors: if you want a diploma from me, then you are gonna have to earn it.”
“We start out with our thesis, ‘The world is flat,’ then your antithesis, ‘No-o it’s not, the world is round,’ (*pow*pow*pow*) then you have a synthesis, ‘Look, we are in India.’ Then start with that as your thesis, then your antithesis, ‘No it’s not, it’s America,’ and then your synthesis, ‘We are in Cabotia.’”
“It’s not torture when it’s scientific investigation.”
(Question: How does Marxism exist?) “Communism has a lot of big guns.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll find a way to lower your grade.”
“Your dam is broke, it’s your problem not mine…that’s what you get when you live in a lake…you didn’t help me with my problems so why should I give you money to help your problems?”
“You are young adults…not kids.”
“Someone thought it was a good idea to put teachers and parents together to discuss your problems.”
“I’d hate to be a postmodernist running through traffic.”
“Due to the evil schemes of the Devil, tonight we will have two times as much homework to counteract the Devil.”
“Believe it or not, but younger children have a lesser attention span than you.”
“Be fun and exciting when you speak…like me.”
“I have a license to do this stuff.”
“Time flies when it is wasted.”
“We need to stop polluting the air waves about recycling.”
“I see Carlsons all FRAKING day.”
“Living things, nonliving things, other…is too broad of a topic.”
“If you have a bloody shirt, then you are the murderer…or you just have lots of nosebleeds.”
“If God doesn’t care for us, then the animals might eat us, and the rocks would be too busy doing their own thing instead of helping.”
“C…for safety.”
“Defy the Devil’s schemes…”
“Ahh…the fossil record; that dreary old thing.”
“You can’t think without knowing that you are thinking, except when you are taking test.”
“The universe is getting lazier, says Newton.”
“Maybe you will break out of your baby bubble.”
“If tomorrow the gravity is going to be different than today, then don’t get on a plane tomorrow.”
“If you start eating people, then your ethos is gonna go down, because others don’t eat people.”
“I’m going to the bathroom for the whole chapel.”
“The single exclamation mark (!) does not travel in packs (!!!). If you find the need to increase the number of exclamation marks, then increase your vocabulary so it would have more power.”
“If you are a visual learner, you can take the time and sketch each picture…but for now you have to keep up the pace.”
“What you do in secret, God knows.”
“Pack up your stuff and go away.”
“We actually live in the United States of Cabotia.”
“Martin Luther nailed each thesis on the church door one at a time, using 190 nails. It took over six and a half hours.”
“You wouldn’t have the Globe Theater if the world was flat. It would be rectangular if it weren’t for the Age of Exploration.”
“Remember when you all came into the 10th grade, young and pimply, and thought the Iliad was stupid, but after reading it, you liked it? This will be the same for Shakespeare.”
“Things can go wrong when you get a group of people angry, bearing knives.”
“I am not bothered by your ignorant ways.”
“Genetically mutated chickens gone awry.”
“I am masterful of my emotional responses.”
“Pretty soon, there will be X-men amongst us.”
“A tree without its trunk is inefficient.”
“Let’s get through this quickly; I’ve got to harvest my squash.”
“We are gonna keep this on the DL.”
“If you are a genius, school had no purpose for you.”
“We don’t win competitions but we are pure at heart.”
“I like seeing how smart everyone is becoming.”
“Descending order of easiness.”
“I’m not worried, I am sad…a lot.”
“Explain life and everything it means…. Explain unreality.”
“There is a big pile of Twinkies that I am going to jump into.”
“This week is the most awesomest week you will ever have.”
“Whenever you get down, just remember about getting through your Senior Thesis.”
“Wow, these pretzels are making me thirsty.”
“The basic question of life is not, ‘Mom, what’s for dinner?’”
“The outside is so over-rated.”
“Thank you for your diligence…it’s not like you were going to go out and play anyways.”
“God is. God needs nothing…if God needs anything, then He lacks something; He doesn’t need followers, He doesn’t need worship.”
“A yoke contains two oxen, an older one who knows the way and the path it takes, and a younger, inexperienced ox, that will learn the way of the older ox, so it will become the older experienced ox when the older one is lifted into the sky.”
“They didn’t have the wheel back then…the wheel was still young.”
“What was the Renaissance, and why shouldn’t I go to Burger King for lunch? Or McDonald’s?” (Essential Question on the board)
“It’s written right here (pointing at the whiteboard) in small white ink.”
“The Internet is like a three-dollar courtesan…you may get what you want, but the quality is always suspect.”
“These days, lions don’t lie down with lambs unless they are dead.”
“I have to forgive you?!…whoa, whoa, let’s rethink that.”
“I’d rather grade 95 pages of confirmation next weekend than 34 … just don’t worry about me.”
“That’s where you want to aim, in the eye of that poor bull.”
“Discharging weapons is not a good way to get people’s attention.”
“Speak what you feel, not what you ought to say.” [King Lear]
“Even though I use 3 red pens a week, you are actually getting better.”
“Follow me and I’ll take you to the Pearly Gates…until I give you that eight-and-a-half-inch sheet of paper that tells you to go away and never come back…unless you have a #1 meal from Chick-fil-a, no pickles, sweet tea. Or a Double Quarter Pounder meal from McDonald’s, Coke, no ice.”
“Nothing good ever comes from Texas.” (One of Mr. Rush’s life mottos, said after Gordon broke up with his girlfriend.)
“…and why should I do that?”
“This is my serious face…looks like my joking face.”
“No one better say on the test upside-down triangle for inductive reasoning.” (With especial apologies to the Class of 2018)
“Annie…short for Annie.”
“I can only fix so many problems.”
“It’s not like and not basically.”
“Language is only commutative. I cry about it from time to time…on the inside.”
“If you use this (rhetoric), no one will touch you, literally (literature).”
“Hold on Pierre, calm yourself down…go eat your crumpets and croissants.”
“Commingling with the youth by sharing his essence with partakers of his ilk.” (On Oscar Wilde)
“Dude, you learned nothing.”
“Not exactly…”
“Consider it an endearment.”
“‘Ahh, you sunk my battleship. I’m not playing again.’”
“Not too shabby.”
“Today is (in)Hospitality Day, but I have two 10th grade classes.” (Eats a whole meal from McDonald’s throughout the whole class period to discuss a lesson from the Odyssey.)
“Don’t let those Honor Society people boss you around.”
“You know how I say things, and hear things…differently.”
“You need to get into the habit of writing high quality papers…if you all took 30 minutes to proofread your papers, then it will be better.”
“Exciting Quarter O’ Shakespeare.”
“‘Well, that’s not fair’. I know, that’s why I like it.” (Quiz being 40% of our grade.)
“Tragedy is when I cut my finger; comedy is when you fall through an open manhole cover and die.” [Mel Brooks]
“Throwing a pie at me isn’t farce, but it will be when you have one thrown in your face.”
“An essay is like…a river. An introduction will lead you into the river and the conclusion will lead you out. Make your paper persuasive for them to get into the river and they will jump right in.”
Zach: “I am not indecisive, I am just…”
Mr. Rush: “Weak.”
“Rhetoric is a power of the mind, not the Pythagorean Theorem of the mind.”
“No one cares what you have to say, you are youths; your parents make you think that people care.”
“Jimmy was eating Jujubes; one of the Jujubes went down the wrong tube. Jimmy now has iron lungs. Where will Jimmy be without his respiratory implants?” (Teaching us an attention-getting introduction.)
“Anyone who doesn’t enjoy Shakespeare, doesn’t enjoy life.”
“Oooooooo…” (’09 Passing the Torch Address)
“If you have low self-esteem issues, go eat at Golden Corral.”
“Don’t feel bad you didn’t create the world.”
“Who we are is what we think is true.”
“‘Oh, it’s the Coliseum’; or, if you want to be accurate, ‘Oh, it’s the Flavian Amphitheatre.’”
“To be or not to be, that is the question…the answer is to be.”
~ Mr. Christopher Rush

