Madison Coffey

Imagine a gift so precious you cannot put a price tag on it. Its price is far above jewels: a blessing from God bestowed on a father and mother; a soul to love, raise, nurture and  guide. What a responsibility! What an honor. That is what the gift of a child is. As stated in Psalm 127:3, “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.” I will tell you about a woman named Carolynn. Carolynn worked very hard from the time she was in elementary school. Her parents have always taught her to work hard, study hard, and keep her grades up as high as she could by herself so she could learn and strengthen these skills for when she needed them in her future, like in college and any career path she might take. Carolynn was thankful for her parents’ direction; she grew up getting straight As every year. She grew up, and graduated valedictorian, with great honor. Carolynn went to college to be a surgeon, and while she was there she met her husband. Before long, she and her husband had a beautiful baby girl. But once she had her daughter, she realized she really wanted to stay home with her and help nurture her baby and be there for every step and every milestone she would hit throughout her life. Her husband is also a surgeon, so both of their incomes are more than enough for the three of them. Carolynn has the choice: she could quit her job and raise her daughter, or she could continue working and have hardly any relationship with her child and hire a nanny to raise her for her. If she chose this she would not know very much about her daughter; the nanny would potentially have to inform Carolynn of her child’s likes/dislikes. She could miss so many important milestones of her child’s life while never being there to raise her. Carolynn would come home at night to tell her daughter goodnight but nothing more. I believe, although Carolynn has worked so hard to get where she is today in her career, she should stay home to raise her daughter. She is financially able to and she’s not choosing her job over her child. Choosing your job over staying home to care for your family, I believe, is against God’s will.

My thesis is women should not give up their God-given roles as a wife/mother, if given the choice. I will first give a brief history of when women in America began to leave their traditional Biblical roles to help us understand why this issue is prevalent today. Before the Civil War, women lived the lives I would say reflected how God preferred them to live. Women would stay at home to take care of their children and perform household chores, while the men were generally the ones working out in the workforce to maintain a steady income for the family. This soon began to change after the Civil War; the role of women was now the opposite. Women began to fight for working rights, and they wanted to gain a sense of political and  even economic working freedom. They felt more freedom because they were doing work men did. A major shift in the workforce around this time occurred. African-American women became a very important part of the labor force. They needed to earn a steady income after they were freed from slavery. Middle class white women also began to enter the workforce. While many husbands left America to fight in WW2, the women had to go out and find themselves jobs in the workforce in order to adequately provide for their entire family. This gave women their first taste of independence because they were doing what men usually did, but this feeling ended when the men returned from World War II. The men came home and wanted to get their jobs back, which meant the women would lose their jobs and return to the more feminine jobs. This history didn’t end with World War II.

Women’s lives were changed giving them an opportunity to not be given the label of a regular housewife. Around the 1960s and ’70s, a feminist movement started to peak. There were two waves the movement focused on. The movement began, in a way, with Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony in the 19^th century, culminating in 1920, when women won the right to vote with the 19^th Amendment. This renewed feminist movement in the ’60s started to touch on every area of a woman’s experience of life, including family, sexuality, and work. It focused on taking apart workplace inequality, such as the denial of certain jobs that were better and had a higher salary than jobs women could get. In 1964, a Representative of Virginia named Howard Smith proposed to add a prohibition of gender discrimination into the Civil Right Act being considered at the time. The Congressmen mocked him, but the law was later passed with the amendment act, from a Representative of Michigan named Martha Griffiths (Tavanna). The most recent event we have seen reflecting the history of women entering the workforce was the 2016 presidential election, when Hilary Clinton came close to becoming the first woman President of the United States of America (Burkett).

To better help us all understand the issue and its importance, I will now define the term “main provider.” “Provider” in Merriam Webster’s dictionary means “One that Provides; especially breadwinner.” The term “breadwinner” according to Webster’s dictionary is “A member of a family whose wages supply its livelihood.” My third term I want to explain is “Helpmeet.” In Hebrew, “helpmeet” is derived from the word Ezer. Ezer, which is commonly translated as “help,” is a combination of two roots, one meaning “to rescue,” “to save,” and the other meaning “to be strong.” Just as the roots merged into one word, so did their meanings. The word “helpmeet” is seen in Genesis 2:18 in the KJV version: “ It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”

A suitable wife is compatible with her husband in many respects — physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. This doesn’t mean the man and woman are the same in everything, only that they fit together in harmony. They complement each other. This issue is important because women today who strive for the historical norm to be stay-at-home wives/mothers are looked down upon. But the most important thing to understand is this is how women were ordained to be by God. This can be seen in Proverbs 31:10. God says the worth of an excellent wife is far above jewels. “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.” In Titus 2:3-5, Paul firmly counsels the older women to teach the younger women, among other things, “to love their husbands and children, … to be busy at home.”

In order to prove women should not give up their God-given roles to be a wife/mother if given the choice, I will confirm three arguments: first, Proverbs 31 is a good basis for how women can glorify God; second, God’s original intention for the creation of woman was to be the man’s helpmeet as read in Genesis 2:1; third, a mother’s role in the lives of her children is crucial in a child’s development. I will then refute three counterarguments: 1) How wanting to be a wife and a mother is unrealistic. 2) When God wrote about how He wanted a woman to live her life, He was referring to that day and age. This is the 21^st century, things have changed. 3) What if God doesn’t call me to be a wife or mother?

My first confirmation argument is God gives us a biblical example and definitions of what a woman should strive to be like and things she should try to accomplish. In Proverbs 31:10-31, God details the attributes of a virtuous wife/mother or ideal woman. I do realize no human being is perfect and we could never be the perfect wife and mother, but God does detail what a mother and wife should strive to look like and do in order to glorify Him. This passage begins by talking about virtue: the first line in verse 10 tells women they are precious and worthwhile. Verses 11-12 state the wife has the heart of her husband entrusted in her hand and she will do him good for the rest of her life. This means the husband trusts his wife to never commit adultery against him. He trusts her with his heart. Verse 15 goes more into the mother’s role: “She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.” This verse specifically talks about how God expects the woman to wake up early in the morning even just to make food and feed her family. In verse 23, God says a woman’s husband should be known in the gates when he sitteth among the elders of the land. The husband is respected among the elders because of her reputation. In verse 24-25, “She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.” God says the wife should want to learn how to make fine linen and sell it, and she should have strength and honor to present herself  every day. This relates to my argument because this was part of the way the wife actually contributed to helping make money with her husband, while being at home and still able to take care of her family’s needs. In verse 28, God says her children will rise up and call her blessed, and her husband also, and he praiseth her. A woman cannot achieve these attributes when she is away from her family. From this passage in the Bible, you can tell God really desires women be at home and helping their families, as opposed to how some families are today in which mothers don’t even have time to take care of their families because they choose to work rather than being home when they didn’t have to be. This does not apply if working is a necessity rather than a luxury or choice.

My second confirmation is God’s original intention for the creation of  a woman was to be a man’s helpmeet. Genesis 2:18 says, “And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone, I will make him a helpmeet for him.’” There you have it. God created the woman to be a helper to the man. The reason Eve was formed was to complete Adam. She was made uniquely suited to complement/fulfill his needs. Eve was not designed to be like Adam, she was designed to be the opposite of what he was. Eve possessed all of the qualities Adam did not have, including the different responsibilities he couldn’t complete. While women do much to help and assist men in their stewardship, women have been given a stewardship uniquely theirs, which is every bit as important as men’s stewardship. It’s important to understand the purpose of God creating us was to be the helpmeet of a man.

My third confirmation is being a stay-at-home mom affects a child’s ability to function throughout his or her life. Home is where bonding takes place. When a child attaches, that child can learn to trust people. Learning to trust people is essential for having healthy and successful relationships in life. The home is where the child learns who he or she is. We are all created uniquely by God, including our spiritual gifts and talents. The most effective place for children to learn is in the home. It’s important that a child’s mother is always available to the child. In Erica Kromisar’s book Being There, she gives scientific evidence that demonstrates how important it is mothers be with their children and be the caretakers of their children, especially in the first three years of life. Komisar writes, “Babies are much more neurologically fragile than we’ve ever understood.” She cites the research of a neuroscientist named  Nim Tottenham from Columbia University: “‘that babies are born without a central nervous system’ and ‘mothers are the central nervous system to babies,’ especially for the first nine months after birth.” You might wonder what exactly this means, as did I. Komisar explains, “Every time a mother comforts a baby in distress, she’s actually regulating that baby’s emotions from the outside in. After three years, the baby internalizes that ability to regulate their emotions, but not until then.” So we can conclude a baby’s very neurological health depends on the continual connection with the mom for 3 years, which can’t happen if the mom leaves the home. And as Komisar tells us, this happens in the course of a mother being with her child. Every time she comforts the baby, the baby’s own central nervous system is actually not just being comforted but being developed (Taranto). Motherhood is a ministry of availability. If we are going to make the important decision to have a child, then we should make sure we follow through with the commitments and the obligations that go along with having and raising a child.

The first counterargument I will refute says, “wanting to be a wife and a mother is unrealistic.” Some people say it’s a selfish goal. Some wouldn’t even consider wanting to be a wife or mother a goal at all. I argue wanting to be a wife and mother is not a selfish goal at all. If this goal is what my God has put on my heart to pursue, then that reason alone is enough to show it isn’t selfish. But a bigger reason is the fact people think women who are wives and mothers JUST sit around all day and cook and maybe clean the house, but that is nowhere near all that they do. She JUST brings forth life into the universe, and she JUST shapes and molds and raises those lives. She JUST manages, directs, and maintains the workings of the household, while caring for children who JUST rely on her for everything. She JUST teaches her children how to be human beings, and, as they grow, she will JUST train them in all things, from morals, to manners, to the ABCs.

I have to go through people giving me a disappointed look or tone all the time when I actually tell them what I want to do, every time someone asks me the classic questions everyone is obligated to ask a graduate, especially “What do you want to do when you graduate?” Usually my answers are exactly what people today want to hear: it usually sounds like, “Oh, I probably am going to college and start out majoring in graphic design and see where I go from there.” But really inside, I don’t want to go to college; I want to get married and maybe have a part-time job. But if I told people that, they would probably look at me like I’m the stupidest person on earth. Why? Usually they say, “Do you know what kind of world we live in today, Madi? You’re not being realistic, you have to go to college and get a good degree so you can be prepared because our economy is so bad and it’s only going to get worse. It isn’t today like how it was when God wrote that in that time of the Bible. Go to college and get a good paying job.”  This leads to my second refutation point.

The second counterargument I will refute is the idea “Our society has changed, God wrote Proverbs 31 for women in that culture at that time. Society is different now; women have different roles than the did hundreds of years ago.” The first thing I will say to that is Malachi 3:6, “For I am the Lord, I change not.” Hebrews 13:8 says, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Numbers 23:19 says, “God is not human, that he should not lie, not a human being that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he not promise and not fulfill?” Nowhere in those verses does it ever say anything like, “As times goes by and the cultures and society changes, then these things that I have listed about women will change and you will no longer have to try to strive to accomplish these things.” The world might change, but God does not change. God does not change His laws and beliefs to suit our ways.

This reminds me of an old story my grandfather used to tell me. There once was an older couple driving down the highway on their way to church, as they have every Sunday for the past 20 years of marriage. One Sunday morning, the couple pulled up beside another couple at a stop light; the older wife looked at the other couple in the car next to her. She turned away from them with a depressed and angry look on her face. Her husband noticed his wife was upset, so he said, “Sweetie, what is the matter, why do you seem upset with me all of a sudden?” His wife answered, “Don’t you remember how we used to sit so close to each other like that? We don’t anymore; we have changed.” Her husband looked at her while sitting in the driver’s seat and said, “I haven’t moved from where I’m sitting.” In this case, the husband represents God. The wife had drifted apart from her husband; in the end of the story she realizes she was the only one who could have moved, away from her husband. The same goes for Society and God: He never changes or moves, only we do.

The final argument I will refute is “What if God doesn’t call me to be a wife or mother?” I will respond with this simple answer: if God doesn’t call you to get married, then He is calling you to serve Him in another mission field. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:7-8: “I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.” Notice he says some have the gift of singleness and some the gift of marriage. Although it seems nearly everyone marries, I understand it is not necessarily God’s will for everyone. I’m speaking to those women who are being called by God to get married, and those women only. Anyone who isn’t being called to get married is being called to devote her entire life to spreading the Word of God.

The point I want to make clear is we all need to understand college isn’t for everyone. Do not be discouraged to live the Biblical life women once used to go by. God has called men to live a certain way; God has called women to live a certain way. There is no shame in living the way God has designed us to be. God has written down biblical roles a woman is to do her best to follow. Although none of us is perfect, we should do our best to follow how God wants us to live. We have to remember God is powerful enough to bless us if we live the way we are supposed to live, despite the “pressures” of economic circumstances today. God will enable us to live how we should regardless of how society thinks we need to live, no matter the “standard of living.” God would not tell us He wants us to be a certain way, and then not let us be able to just because the world has made it harder to do so. God never changes, and his purpose for man and woman has not changed either.

Works Cited

“The 1960s-70s American Feminist Movement: Breaking Down Barriers for Women.” Tavaana, tavaana.org/en/content/1960s-70s-american-feminist-movement-breaking-down-barriers-women.

Burkett, Elinor. “Women’s Movement.” Encyclopædia Britannica, Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc., 2 Aug. 2016, http://www.britannica.com/topic/womens-movement.

“Provider.” Merriam-Webster, Merriam-Webster, http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/provider.

“Thursday, November 2, 2017 – The Briefing.” AlbertMohler.com, albertmohler.com/2017/11/02/briefing-11-02-17/.

Taranto, James. “The Politicization of Motherhood.” The Wall Street Journal, Dow Jones & Company, 27 Oct. 2017, http://www.wsj.com/articles/the-politicization-of-motherhood-1509144044.