Katie Kenney

A black hole is an invisible area of outer space with gravity so strong light cannot get out of it. They are believed to be the outcomes of massive stars collapsing. A black hole is an astronomical term, but there are times in human life when it feels like a black hole has been created by a tragic occurrence. It may feel like nothing happy or good will come into existence ever again. It can be hard to get up in the morning because feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness are overwhelming. Making breakfast and actually consuming it can be the biggest accomplishment you’ve achieved that day. Life can be exhausting and there are times where all you’ll want to do is just lay down for a minute because everything that is happening is too much to handle. Maybe you won’t want to ever get up or maybe you won’t think that you can. But you can get back up and here’s how to do so.

Talking to people can be absolutely terrifying to some people. Laying your feelings and emotions out on the table for someone to asses can make you feel way too vulnerable. You don’t know what they have to say or what they’ll think of you. It may feel like it’s easier to just stay quiet and keep everything inside. This won’t help your situation. It can be incredibly hard to talk to someone, but just talking about what you feel will help you figure things out. This isn’t a new discovery, but reinforcing the importance of it is necessary. Just having someone to confide in can put you at ease. Find someone you trust and talk to them. Their fresh eyes will help you sort out the confusing things. People are ready to be there for you and help you, but they won’t know when to come and help if you keep them in the dark. More people care for you than you can think of. You aren’t alone in this world. Not everyone will understand everything you are going through because they aren’t, and haven’t, gone through the exact same thing as you are. Even people who have experienced the same thing you experienced will perceive and view things differently because no one is the same. Our minds are complex things, with no mind being an exact replica of another. This means no person is an exact replica of another and no one will think in the exact same way. Even though people are different in this sense, they can still comfort you and be there for you. All you need to do is reach out.

Some people don’t want to reach out though. Many people just don’t want to seem weak and won’t ask for help in any situation. They could refuse receiving help when they can’t reach something on the top shelf or they could refuse to receive help when they feel like they are drowning in their own feelings. You are not weak if you ask for help. You can’t do life alone; no one can. Asking for help doesn’t undermine anyone or make someone any less of a man. Everyone needs help at same point in life and asking for it won’t change you fundamentally as a person. It can change your life, though, and for the better. Trying to walk alone in this world will only increase pain and suffering. We need people to hold on to when things get rough and to lean on when you feel like you can’t possibly stand up straight. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness and never will be.

You should take things slow. Trying to jump out of quicksand won’t get you out of its grasp; in fact it will only submit you to a stronger hold. In the same way, if you try to jump out of feelings of sadness, anger, or other emotions that can be exhaustive, you will only fall deeper into their hold. Taking baby steps will allow you to make mini accomplishments and slowly get out of your black hole. Getting out won’t happen overnight no matter how badly you want it to. Black holes are tricky things in the human sense, so you must approach them carefully, willing to keep calm and take things slowly. If you rush on in then there is a great possibility you will be submitted to a stronger force of gravity, making it harder for you to escape your black hole.

The world is broken and fallen, so bad things will happen and in turn not go your way. It can make you feel like you will never see the light of day again. Blaming yourself for bad events will only make you feel worse. It may take some time, but it is key you understand you are not the problem. Hurting yourself, emotionally and/or physically, isn’t beneficial, not even in the slightest. You must take into consideration bad things happen to even the best people. This world is broken and fallen, so bad things happen. Blaming yourself for all the problems that occur isn’t logical. There are some things in life you just don’t have control over, no matter how badly you want to dictate how they play out. You aren’t the playmaker of life, so whatever happens, or happened, isn’t your fault.

Your black hole is different from my black hole, which is different from some other person’s black hole. Acknowledging what you’re going through is entirely unique to you will help you get out of the grasp of your emotions. Knowing how your black hole is specific to you will help you figure out how to overcome it. Something could quite possibly help me rise above what I feel, but it could, instead of helping you, cause you to sink further into what you feel. Realizing what helps others might not help you will benefit you in growing stronger. Trying to make something work that just won’t will waste your time and efforts and could cause you to lose hope. Stop trying profusely to make something work that just won’t; it can’t help you.

Overthinking, in all actuality, is not good in any sense. Mulling over every miniscule detail of every little thing you are thinking about won’t bring you peace of mind. It will bring you stress and anxiety as you try to dissect the small prospects of whatever you are thinking about. In most cases, overthinkers are more stressed than those who think about something just once in great detail. If you keep reviewing every conversation you had and everything you think you did wrong, it can make you “find” even more things you messed up. I put quotations around find because you come to a certain point when you overthink you start to make things up. You may deduce a chain of events happened just because you said one wrong word, but that might not be the case. When you try to find bad things about yourself, you will do anything to find them, including make them up, when you are in a black hole. Overthinking can cause a situation to be changed in your mind, and it most likely won’t be changed into a more accurate description of the occurrence. Looking at everything through a magnifying glass won’t help you get away from bad feelings, but it can bring you even closer to them. You do not need to know every single detail about something that happened. It won’t help you. Don’t worry about it; just know it happened and figure out what you can do to overcome the feelings that came out of it.

Let it out. Everything that has been held inside will eventually spill over and be overwhelming to you. Just crying can help. Screaming and yelling just to get the hurt out is so much better than withholding those feelings. When you cry, your body releases endorphins, which helps your body feel better because they relieve stress and ease pain. Letting yourself feel is so much better than shoving everything down inside and willing your tears not to fall. Withholding all your feelings will add to any stress you have and add to the fear of someone finding out about something you don’t want them to. It can be exhausting to constantly worry about information leaking. Just taking some time to cry it out, or scream it out if you would like, can help you come to terms with what you’re feeling. It is impossible to get out of your black hole if you haven’t accepted what you are feeling. You can’t get over feelings by ignoring them because they will still be there, lurking in the background waiting for you to properly address them.

Looking at the past can be hurtful and harmful. It is completely possible to look back fondly at memories, but you can also look back at them and only see the bad in them. Reflecting on the bad memories is okay to a certain extent; you can see how far you’ve come since then and be filled with determination because you want to keep on going and completely conquer whatever has a hold on you. However, if you look too closely at the bad memories for too long, you can feel like there’s no point anymore. Maybe you’ll feel like you haven’t progressed enough or even at all. So, you should avoid dwelling on the past and think about the future and what you can do today to help you in the future. Think about things you can do to be happy. Do things you enjoy and make good memories to look back at later in the future when you are in a more stable and safe place. Focusing on what you can do today is much more beneficial than reviewing the past.

You need to realize you have the power to overcome any obstacles that come in your way. You are stronger than you think. You have hidden talents, abilities, and power you just need to find. You have the ability to rise above things that hurt you, whether they are situations, people, or something entirely different. You never truly know the extent of your abilities. People tend to either overestimate their abilities or drastically underestimate them. And when you’re in a black hole, the underestimation possibility is more probable and common. If you believe you can climb out of your black hole, then you can. Encouraging and believing in yourself will help you achieve your goals in life, where having a bad view of yourself and being discouraged in your abilities will make it so much harder to reach where you want to be. Be nice to yourself. You need to remember you can do this. You have the ability and skills to overcome anything that gets the in the way of where you want to go.

Get up and do something. Figure what brings you joy or just something you like. Do something that makes you happy, whether it be something of the artistic realm, a sport, or just talking to someone about the what ifs of the world. Making an effort to change your state of mind can be hard. It can be so much easier and more appealing to just lie under the covers of your bed alone in your room and mull over everything bad that happened on a certain day, but getting out of bed to do some sort of activity will help you. You may not want to do it, but just trying will help you. It can give a taste of something other than sadness if you let it.

Avoiding certain situations can seem much nicer than going through with them. However, going out of your way to get away from something will hurt you. You need to confront things head on. It can be absolutely terrifying to do so, but you can do it. You have the power to overcome things, so avoiding them is neglecting that ability. Avoiding something can cause you to have a great deal of guilt later on, not to mention the regret. Regretting not doing something is very common when it comes to people who get themselves out of doing things. Adding more feelings and emotions onto your plate obviously doesn’t lighten your load or make it any easier to carry. Just confront it. Go into the situation carefully, but willing to do what you need to do to help yourself. If you do so, the stress you had about being very cautious anywhere close to the situation will go away. You will have a sense of accomplishment because you did something hard for you and that would be a huge accomplishment. It would mean you are progressing and getting further away from your black hole.

Cut out anything and everything toxic. Keeping harmful substances in a room with a baby in it is an obvious hazard to her health. In the same way, keeping harmful people or things in your life is hazardous to the development of your life. Get rid of the things that hurt you. Sometimes something that is hurting you is actually a person. Telling someone to get out of your life sounds pretty harsh, but if they are preventing you from achieving what you want to it isn’t. It can be hard to stop all contact with a person, but it is necessary for you to do so. The things that hurt you won’t magically start to benefit you one day. Keeping them around you only gives them more power to harm you and an easier time finding things to do that will hurt you.

All sorts of people have black holes that seem to keep them captive. Everyone is going through something in their life, it isn’t just you. Different things may work for them that don’t work for you. They may have entirely different coping mechanisms than you do and that is okay. It is also okay to hurt. It’s okay to be sad and have all of these feelings people tell you you can’t have because they aren’t happiness. You are allowed to feel; don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You have the power to overcome anything that poses a threat to you. You are greater than what tries to hurt you and people are there for you when you feel like you aren’t. People are ready to help you get through any and all struggles you have, you just need to let them know. They can’t help you if they don’t know you need help. It can be scary to tell people what you feel. It can be scary to confront a situation you hate. Life is scary, but when you believe you can get out of the grasp of your black hole, it won’t be as intimidating. You can do this. You can get out of your black hole.