Tim Seaton

My parents hate me. No, really — they do! They always tell me actions speak louder than words. Their actions are speaking pretty loudly right now! Need a computer for school? Buy it yourself. Got a problem with a teacher? Go talk to her. Want to go on the senior trip to Europe? Start saving now because that is a lot of money. Need a ride to practice? Go get a ride or you’re going to run laps for missing practice. Need a lunch because you forgot yours? Sorry, but it looks like you are going to be really hungry today.

Don’t they care about me? I am their only son after all. I’m supposed to be carrying on their legacy, but how can I do that when it seems like they are really trying to make things harder for me? I thought parents were supposed to be helpful, caring, and compassionate, protecting and providing for their kids. All the other parents are being nice and buying their kids iPhones, iPads, and computers. Why can’t they get me one? Obviously, it is hard being me.

I lost my jacket. It could’ve happened to anyone, but of course it happened to me. Actually, this was the 6^th or 7^th time this had happened. It was never lost for good until the last time. My parents left me jacketless for the whole winter. They said I could have a jacket when I bought a new one with my own money, which I eventually did. I finally got it when there was a big end of winter sale. Then there was that computer I needed for two classes at school. This wasn’t for gaming, it was for school. Needed. For school. It seemed reasonable to me they would buy me this computer. After all, this was mandatory for those classes. I’ll give you one guess about who bought that computer. With his own money. Me. Not my parents.

My parents have decided to make me pay for things other parents may not make their kids pay for. They are using words like “money management” and “stewardship.” Basically, stewardship is taking care of the resources we have. It is also using our money wisely. I guess it makes sense I would have to make money and spend it to learn about stewardship.  This is important to them because they have known people who have not spent their money wisely or taken care of their things. Therefore, they have not had money in times of need. They don’t want that to happen to me.  It will also help down the road when I am in my twenties and thirties. Some people don’t know how to manage their money, so they are not prepared to live independently. They have had to live with parents or friends. They should have experience saving and spending, so they can decide what to buy and what not to buy and understand how much things cost and how quickly money is used up.

To my parents, and yes, to me as well, this is related to stewardship. Stewardship is also important to God. The Bible shows stewardship in Genesis 2:15. “Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and keep it.” Man had to manage the garden’s resources just like we have to do now with our resources. Stewardship is shown in this verse because man is having to grow food in the garden to live and so they are having to manage their resources.

Then there was my retainer. I broke it. It was only out of its case for four hours, but that was long enough. Snap went my retainer. I had to pay for this one as well, and let me tell you, it was expensive. $220 worth of expensive. Did I know it should always be in its case, especially when I was at work with a backpack full of heavy books?  Well … yes. Was I a little careless and irresponsible? Yes.

Turns out, everything has consequences. Sometimes they are small and sometimes they are big, but they are always there. My parents gave me a talk about responsibility. Part of responsibility is showing care over things and accepting consequences as they come. The consequences in this case were pretty obvious. Of course, not all consequences are financial. Sometimes it could be the loss of screen time or the ability to hang out with friends. The bigger goal is to help avoid the potential dramatic life changing consequences from poor decisions made later in life by helping me recognize consequences and learn to be responsible now.

My parents say responsibility is important, and I guess I can see it. Turns out, God agrees with my parents. He shows us He does in Romans 6:23. “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Sin has consequences for which we have to take responsibility. Thank goodness God stepped in for us and took the consequences of our sin on Himself.

Now, they are going to make me pay for my senior trip to Europe. It takes a long time to save up that much money! I started in sixth grade. My sister did too. She had to pay for all of her trip, so I know my parents are serious about me having to pay for all of mine. I love to see how much money I have earned over a pay period, but I already know it is earmarked for something else. Ugh.

Why would they make my sister and I do this? I guess they are just trying to help us learn how to plan ahead, organize, and work toward a goal. Later in life, I will have to know how to plan ahead. For example, if I want to take a nice vacation, I will need to have some money saved up to be able to take it. If a car breaks down unexpectedly or a relative dies, I need to be able to cover the expenses. When we are not aware of long term possibilities and haven’t planned for both known and unexpected needs, we won’t be prepared for them.

My parents also want us to set long term goals and practice working towards them. I’ve had odd jobs for several years, but this summer I had to get a real job to start earning toward the trip. This meant I had to take time to fill out an application, complete forms for underage labor and safety, and take almost all of my paychecks directly to the bank.

God must think my parents are right because He talks specifically about planning ahead. He says in Luke 14:28, “For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough or not.” God must want us to be wise and be able to know how to plan ahead. Otherwise he wouldn’t give us this parable teaching us to plan ahead.

I really want a phone. All my friends have one, so why not me? I have promised to take care of it and offered to pay for it. I have begged for years to get a phone, but every time the answer is “no. You can get one when you get your driver’s license.”

Why can’t I get a phone? I know I don’t absolutely need one, but it sure would be convenient to have one! They just tell me I have to be patient. Instant gratification isn’t all that important and it isn’t really healthy either, because it gives an unrealistic view of real life. Patience is the opposite of demanding instant gratification and is the capacity to accept delay without anger. My parents seem to think having patience and waiting for good things will help me understand the real value of things. And so I wait.

God must really enjoy proving my parents right because he gave us Proverbs 14:29. The first part of this verse reads, “Whoever is patient has great understanding.” When we are patient, we will grow in understanding of the important things in life.

I worked hard this summer, sitting outdoors and sweating in the hot sun for a long time. I had to deal with grumpy people who didn’t care about the pool rules I was supposed to be enforcing. I didn’t get to do a lot of fun things with my friends. A lot of days, I didn’t even get to hang out with them because I was working. I didn’t get to go fishing with them. They got to have all the fun while I was working at a lousy pool. Why was I doing this? I have to pay for my senior trip. To do that, I have to have a job.

My parents insist I will enjoy it more if I pay for it. Unfortunately, I think they might be right. Many people think we value things more we earn ourselves or spend our own time to attain, rather than it just being given to us. Appreciation of the true value of things is important.

Appreciation has been described as the recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities. One verse I relate to this is Psalm 110:4. “Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him, bless His name.” Our appreciation for Him should grow daily as we see what new things He has in store for us. We should also be appreciative of what our parents do for us, even if we don’t think it was helpful at all.

So my mom didn’t bug me about writing this article. She reminded me a couple times, but that was it. Of course, this means tonight, the night before it is due, I have to stay up very, very late. Tomorrow, I will be really tired and probably grumpy. I have done this multiple times. I have neglected projects so my work hasn’t been my best. I haven’t studied for tests because I figured I already knew the information … but my grades said I didn’t. And my mom just sat by and let me fall flat on my face like this!

My parents think it’s a great idea to let me do my work … or not … and get the grade I earn. They are OK with teachers giving me a bad grade if that’s what I earned! They expect me to work with excellence, so when I get a bad grade and haven’t worked up to my potential, there are always unpleasant consequences.  They talk about learning from my mistakes. I should make a mistake once and hopefully never make it again.

God must really approve of my parents because He gave us another verse that agrees with them. Colossians 3:23 says, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” No matter what we do, we should try our best and do it for God’s glory, not our own. When we do excellent work, we are showing God we are going to do our best for Him.  When we don’t, the natural consequences are great learning tools.

Guess what happened when my teacher marked me as tardy but I didn’t think I was? I had to go talk to him on my own after school. And that time I didn’t get the grade I thought I deserved? I had to take it up with the teacher on my own.  And then there was the time I didn’t get to play in a game. They sent me off to go talk to my coach by myself.

My parents are making me take up my own problems with others. I always dread this and it feels incredibly hard to do. As I do it more and more, it gets easier and easier every time. My parents tell me this is building my independence. In real life, I will have difficult situations I have to deal with, so I should start practicing and learning now when my parents can still back me up.

One verse that points to practicing things is Philippians 4:9. “What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me — practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” This points out practicing things is good preparation for real life. My parents would say it is even better to practice when you have someone to back you up. Once again, God and my parents are in agreement.

So maybe my parents don’t hate me after all. Now I realize the reason my parents have been seemingly being mean to me was because they love me. What’s more important to them than an easy life and having the things I want is building a strong character that will prepare me for life and make me into a man who lives the way God wants me to live. It’s hard being me, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.