Nicole Moore Sanborn

It’s that time of year again … the time when the seniors are about to graduate, the juniors probably can’t wait for them to leave, moments are bittersweet, and this chapter we call “high school” is about to come to a close.  It is hard to believe I’m finishing up my last few writing assignments from Mr. Rush, taking my last high school math tests, rehearsing to perform my last high school play, and playing my last high school soccer season.  That being said, I wanted to take some time to look back on the past few years called “high school,” make some sense of them, and reveal what I have learned.  This is my farewell article.  Graduation is the ending of one chapter and the beginning of another.  It would be silly to say I didn’t learn anything in high school.  I learned a lot.  Between athletics, drama, schoolwork, and personal life, I’ve learned a few lessons.  But, what have I learned?

First, I would like to include some “poems” I have written in past years.  I say “poems” because many of them have no structure.  I suppose they would be free verse poems, in which case they are real poems.

I wrote this one during my sophomore year.  It is titled “Her Fight Inside.”  The goal was to resemble spiritual warfare as well as truth overcoming lies.  It is a rather depressing poem.  Whether or not we experience this particular fight inside our hearts, we will all end up, at some point in our lives, with some fight inside of us.  Truth vs. lies.  Granted, I did steal the title from the song “Fight Inside” by RED, one of my favorite bands.  Here it is:

I wrote this next one after a short-term mission trip to Philadelphia with five other people in my class.  We helped the homeless by working in a soup kitchen and bringing food to them on the street.  I wrote this one in 10^th grade as well.  Before writing this piece, I had reached a point of slight brokenness in my life, because I was beating myself up about every little thing.  This one is called “Healing the Broken.”

Brokenness.  It’s everywhere.  All you have to do is turn around a corner and it almost suffocates you.  This is the sad epidemic that Philadelphia and many other places face. Brokenness.  You can find it all around you, everywhere.  You see someone smiling, yet if you look deep into their eyes you can see it.  A girl cracks a smile while inside she is dying.  She turns a corner and the tears flow.  Only when she’s isolated and alone does she let the brokenness show.  Most of us put up a façade of what we want people to perceive us as, when beneath that lies brokenness and scars.  People don’t realize how deep hurt can be, or how prevalent it is in a person’s life.  The only way we can heal the brokenness is first to detect it.  Take the song “Eleanor Rigby” by The Beatles, for instance… “all the lonely people, where do they all come from?”  Frankly, they’re everywhere.  Most of us are just too blind to see it.  If we weren’t so wrapped up in ourselves then maybe we could actually see it, and could then heal it.  Most of us put up that façade of happiness and fake laughter, while truthfully the night before we cried ourselves to sleep or our hearts just ache.  We tell ourselves that we don’t want others to see us broken, that we want them to see us strong.  Yet, if we are truly honest with ourselves, we do want people to know.  Not for pity, but for help and comfort.  We do indeed want somebody to know that we are hurting, so that they can help.  Most people are afraid to let someone in.  They fear transparency and vulnerability.  Yet, deep in their mind, they know that they need someone.  Brokenness is not hidden as easily as some believe.  In reality, if you just look deep into someone’s eyes you can see it.  So, why don’t we?  Why are we so wrapped up in ourselves and getting where we need to go that we can’t help someone else?  What if we looked into someone’s eyes, and asked how they’re really doing?  What if we extended the hand and told them we were there if they ever wanted to talk?  Would it have an impact?  I believe it would.

This next gem was written in 11^th grade, during a period of happiness.  It was one of those days where I had inspiration to write, so I wrote.  I wanted to highlight attributes of God while crying out from the perspective of one who wants to heal the broken.  I also desired to reveal struggles some adolescents endure, struggles which aren’t always brought to light.  I entitled it “Help Us.”

The final piece I would like to share was written October of this school year.  I am actually very proud of this one, because it actually has a rhyme scheme.  I did not divide it into stanzas.  Some of the rhymes are rather silly, but bear with me.  It is called “A Reminder for when you Feel Weak.”

Now you’ve seen some of my previous writings and the intentions behind them.  But, what have I learned?  I have learned to solidify what I believe.  I have learned to persevere even through tough times.  I have learned God is sovereign.  He has taken every tough situation I have been through and used it to His glory and for His purposes.  My sophomore year was rough.  I was told many of my close friends were moving away.  Some of them did, but not as many as originally said they may have to move.  I attempted to accomplish everything without God.  I tried to rely on myself, because who else was going to get the work done?  Who else was going to do perfect, yes perfect, in everything?  My mindset became one of striving for perfection continually, without seeking God’s direction and help.  I did not see I could not be perfect and I could not accomplish life on my own.  My mindset toward myself was negative.  I was striving for a perfection that could not be obtained and made myself miserable for not obtaining it.  Every little mistake would trigger a string of negative phrases in my mind.  Why?  Because I stopped seeking God and trusting He would get me through the situation.  I took matters into my own hands, thinking that would fix it.  I stayed away from God because He was taking my friends away.  He was taking the people I cared about away from me, and because of that, I was mad at Him.  So I stopped seeking and decided to take everything on alone.  It took many strained relationships, mental breakdowns, and almost bad decisions before I realized what I had done and why.  Then, I turned around.  I started seeking God’s direction again.  Life got a little bit easier.  I stopped beating myself up every time I made a little mistake.  Strained relationships were gradually healed.  While in those situations, I did not see the good in them.  Looking back, I realize what I learned.  I learned it’s okay not to have all the answers.  It’s okay not to be perfect.  Vulnerability is okay.  Hiding my brokenness will not fix it.  Suppressing the hurt and not allowing others to help does no good.  Even when things get tough (not extremely tough, because I hadn’t gone through a traumatic or life-altering, painful event), God still has a plan.  My brokenness showed me the sovereignty of God.  I remember a phrase a Summit graduate once told me: “Sometimes God has to put you so far down, the only way you can look is up.”

Fast-forward to junior year.  I learned how to trust God even more with my stress.  Junior year was stressful, yes, but with God, it can be handled.  God definitely helped me out with my stress issues.  I learned to trust that He would stretch my time and heal my anxiety.  I continued to learn the unattainability of perfection.  I learned how to challenge myself without stretching myself too thin.  God really blessed me junior year with great relationships, new friends, as well as academic success.  My soccer season was really awesome as well.  I began to love myself for who I was, for who God made me to be, instead of striving for what I could not attain.

What did I learn senior year?  I learned how to trust God even more.  I learned it’s okay not to be the absolute best.  I learned I would not be accepted into every college I applied to.  I learned to cherish those special moments with friends, because time is short.  I learned to revel in the sweet moments, learn from painful moments, and to always keep going.  I learned how LOUD Americans are, and how many people we can fit into one overnight train car.  I learned more than I ever thought I would in a whirlwind European adventure.  I saw exciting and famous artworks and buildings.  I discovered different cultures and realized America has more good things to offer than I previously believed (free bathrooms and water, anyone?).  I learned I could successfully write a senior thesis, the daunting graduation requirement which connotes a much scarier image than is necessary.  I learned everyone’s futures are different, and realized I may never see some of my classmates again.  I realized my class will say “We’ll keep in touch!  Friends forever!” when I know it will not be true.  I learned to be secure in my faith.  I strengthened my faith through 12^th grade Bible.  Learning about other worldviews and realizing how devoid of hope and inconsistent they are really solidified what I believe about Christ.  Senior year was amazing, and I learned so much.  I guess this is farewell…

Farewell to you, the future leaders of Summit.  Farewell to morning classes in the youth room (couches!), farewell to cramming three people into a table during class, farewell to the café, to high school drama programs.  Farewell to explaining to people exactly what protocol training and soirée are, and why we have predetermined escorts.  Farewell to our soccer team’s beloved “Clunker,” and to the bus which seemingly breaks down on every Freshman Trip, a trend my class started.  Farewell to discussing Bigfoot in history class, to watching theological debate videos, to walking across a tiny school to get to class.  Farewell to Predestination vs. Free Will debates at any time of the day in a private Christian school.  Farewell to high school athletics, to Ministry Teams, to watching funny and odd videos in the café.  Farewell to the babies crying during Mom2Mom while we are in class.  Farewell to explaining exactly how Summit works to outsiders, farewell to being called “Summiteers.”  Farewell to playing outside during English class in the middle school years.  Farewell to our beloved retreat and Triple R Ranch.  Farewell to school hosted service projects, to days of literally scrubbing the school walls.

The Class of 2013 is leaving a lot behind.  Yet, we look forward to what is ahead.  But, what is ahead?  Uncertainty, new friendships, independence, tested faith, and transformation are what lay ahead.  Meeting new people, without the labels we received in our elementary, middle, and high school days (Oh! You’re the girl who ________ in ___ grade!).  I plan to remember a few wise words of advice given to the Class of 2013.  We will be tempted, and our faith will most likely be challenged.  We will be thrust into the unknown, will be challenged, and life will change.  Decisions will have to be made.  People will change.  Our futures will begin to be shaped.  I believe high school is not only about learning facts and figures but also about discovering independence, learning life lessons, and implementing the facts and figures into our experiences (though you may think you don’t use what you learn in school, you do).  I look forward to what is ahead.

Farewell, readers….